I matter because I have all the same emotions others have
Have you seen the movie "Inside Out"? Like the young girl Riley in the movie, we all have living emotions inside us- "Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, Anger". If you can feel yours', why do you think I don't have mine? Some of us may not have one hand or two legs, may not have the eyesight, may not have the ability to hear..but everyone has all the emotions - a perfect mixture of all the emotions.
I think It was one year later after my admission to University, starting from that time I have dealt with many unexpected situations- sometimes with friends, sometimes with seniors, sometimes with roommates and sometimes with me. There were moments when I felt emotions don't have to do anything with this; at least my emotions don't have the right. I used to hide my emotions when others weren't of in control of theirs. When anyone used rough words- I was broken deep inside; broken into tears; broken into pieces. But I was silent. I just thought they have their reasons. Silence is such powerful that, with those people I am now in very good terms. I think sacrificing own emotions for moments are worth for some relations, but It isn't true for all. Not even you can forgive others for their behavior all the time.
I remember that day. I was as excited as the other students, having a good preparation for the scholarship viva. From the seniors, I acknowledged that they reject a little number of students - that's almost randomly. Didn't think that would be me! At least not in that way! I had to have journey over districts and run from office to office with my mom in this quarantine just to collect my certificates and necessary papers for the scholarship viva. And for that week, we had to stay at my aunt's house as my hall was closed. That day, when I was waiting for my turn in the waiting room I found one of my classmates from my college also waiting there for the same viva. But as I was going through the questions regarding the scholarship topic in my mind that I might be asked, I thought of having a heart-warming chat with the girl after the viva. When it was my turn, I entered the room, sat before the ma'am and the first question I heard was, "Who promoted you to dress up so conservative?" I was as shocked as any other student should have been at that moment! Somehow words came out of mouth as "Nobody ma'am! As a part of my religious understanding, I do this". Then I saw her continuing to have the disgust look and going over and over with the same thing, my dressup! my Burka! Even I had to hear, "Please leave your religion outside while coming to a professional place. Bla Bla Bla…". Though all the drop of my blood was willing to say, "It's my choice. What do you have to do with this? Religion is nothing that we should just live with it in my house, it's something more to me. Please do what you are supposed to do here, ask me questions about my scholarship topic and stop this bullshit." I said nothing, I knew I shouldn't be saying any of those, it would only worsen the situation, nothing better. When the time was over, with all of my silence I came out of the room; went out of the building and located my mom waiting eagerly for me near the gate. I just felt sorry to her that all our struggle of the last whole week was thrown into dustbin just moments ago.
I wanted to cry aloud, "I do matter!! I matter with all I do have and with all I do believe!"
I could understand then why people do have to struggle about their existence, for their rights. All the unexpected moments were really valuable because they have taught me something very important - that is what I do and what I think only that's me. I shouldn't just leave myself to satisfy people who don't understand that everyone matters. I can be in no better situation adapting my thoughts to others. If I have me, only then I will be able to smile tomorrow.
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